I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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