Are we in a gay sports bar?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
