the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
