I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
