It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
