I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
