my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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