Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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