I just made out with a guy for $7.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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