Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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