I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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