I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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