so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize