u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
