she looked like the before picture.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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