Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
