guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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