Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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