You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
