Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
