Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
