At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
