he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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