I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
