I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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