I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
