Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
