I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
this is an emotional support booty call
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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