I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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