he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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