I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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