You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
