no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
