is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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