Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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