you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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