So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
