I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
