Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
