I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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