My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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