I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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