well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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