I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
worst night to have a conscience
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
