Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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