better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit dude........stairs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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