I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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