I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
