I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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