dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
