Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
