On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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