i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
