Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
