She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
