I can text with my tongue
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His nipple licking is glorious
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