I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
whose parrot is this?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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