nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
