if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
