she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
