In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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