I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
