Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
