apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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