And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize