so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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