I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry about my life...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
