I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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