I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
