Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
