When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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