She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
