I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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