rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
